Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Kareena, what a dumbo!

Just listen to this:
"Kareena covered a distance of 15km 612m. She traveled 7km 80m by bus and the rest by car. How much distance did she cover by car" This passage was reproduced from my school's maths workbook without permission because the teachers wrote it themselves (probably due to budget cuts) and never copyrighted it.

Now do you honestly think Kareena is all that smart? She probably could have afforded to think over her travel plans and by the way, does she just leave her car parked by the bus stop all the time? In any case why does she need to know how much exact distance she covered by car? I mean really, get a life lady! You're just as bad as those people who say WOOT first comment and stuff! I really have bigger fish to fry and I don't see why she would bother ME about it. Really this Kareena lady should be more considerate!

-Saleem

Ps Basketball is really easy, all you have to do is shoot, run and steal!

Signing off
Saleem

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas everybody!!



Take off Hosers!

Saleem

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

CONTEST!!!!! (results)

Fine Priya won (I deny everything!). I'm still thinking about her prize. If you habve any ideas tell m.

-Saleem

Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's snow.

Here is a video of my sister when she first saw a beach. She was so cute back then, now look at her. *deep sigh*



-Saleem

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Shakti Bhatt thing

The other day on Monday my mom received the Shakti Bhatt first book award prize so you can go congratulate her here. I'm surprised how many people I met read my blog. Nice to know. Oh and I hope nobody's offended that I didn't remember their names (in general I'm not talking about blog readers) I don't remember anyones name.

Saleem

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The worlds not ending ding-dongs!

Hey I'm Saleem from 2012 just here to say HaHa to all those people who think the worlds ending in 2012! Who could be that stupid anyway? Everything just peachy 'cept for global warming and I'm feeling great! You guys are such lo... Whats that ominous music?

-Saleem

NB: Because of the dating on this post young Saleem (GAAWD I was stupid back then)is having trouble posting other posts because they come before this one. It seems blogger is not supportive of time travel(or much else for that matter)so just remember this post is dated 23 December 2012 not

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Stupid insects that need to be printed

Here are some pictures of a project I once did for school. Oh wait I deleted those pics when I was trying voice recognition software in word. It completely misinterpreted whatever I said. So here's what I found when I opened that file:

>then it deletes a hostile bid for a twenty who will make out the eighth and we’ll make a button which still you don’t have been done before and you a new AAA UAA one home by the end date when you write a great guy and then you went to bed end on 99 Dow and the light rail line for>united
And being when you enter the dragon you went to bed and 99 Dow bill and that I am a line for united and being when you rent at the gag and Europe to bed and 99 guild bill and and line for united and the win unit and then Downey and yield to bed at night and 99 new bill and Melinda I know but when you down the aisle like entering the political heat your home and legal dance out and not to be outlawed out of downtown Baghdad added an


You know I could just use this program to write my blog. What would come out wouldn't be so different from what went in.

-Saleem

Friday, December 11, 2009

CONTEST!!!

Drumroll please (tatatatatatatada!) Thank you I now present you the Last Resorts second annual random comment contest for supremacy!!! The rules of the contest are almost the same as last but I'll explain them anyway. You have to comment and tell me whats wrong with this post (besides the bad writing) in your comment. Its easy just pay attention. Then I will give your comments numbers based on the order you commented. Whichever is closer to the number I picked will win. I will only pick numbers from 1-10 1 and 10 included. Only 1 comment per person.

-Saleem

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Twitter

Ok maybe I'm going twitter. You know I think I'll tell you about that project now. Maybe not. I'm just itching to but I gotta pace myself or I'll run out of material today.

Saleem

Well here go the rambles

Well I'm going to try to a post a day for the next like week maybe... Result: never ending rambles about nothing. I'm going Mcdonalds except classier. What I mean is a lot more content but mostly crap. Did I ever tell you about this school project I did. Remind me to tell you tommorow. Also I've got a great idea about a contest with a better prize than chocolate cake (ask Priya)

Well then cya l8r

Saleem

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Im gonna WRITE!!

Ok I'm goona write somethin. I dunno what but I'm gonna write it. You know I might just think of writing a song for xmas. Nah I'm not that smart. Well back to the topic I'm gonna write somethin. Oh yeah that reminds me I already have somethin lined up for christmas. I'm not gonna tell you becuz its a surprise but it heres a clue:


Secret! You can only open if ur a secret agent! No peeking!



Psst! Don't tell anyone but its something aout xmas!


Ok now I'm gonna write something!
Saleem

Friday, December 4, 2009

A song by mah bro

I was sailing the ocean blue
and I happened to catch swine flu.
So I had to eat some glue
to make myself good-as-new.

By Akshay

-Saleem

Monday, November 30, 2009

Bookaroo

This year I happened to go to Bookaroo which for the ignorant is a literary festival held in Delhi. It also happened last year which was its debut. It was basically a bunch of different workshops where writers and people came and did workshops with people. Not a surprise. I think the best event this year that I went to was Mughal Masala. The worst was how Nirulas took over the concession stand and there was a line so huge that it took an hour to buy WATER! In conclusion I think those guys should be ashamed of themselves!

Saleem

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Note: For some of my readers who do not know Thanksgiving is a festival where Americans eat unthinkably large quantities of this bird:
To grace this time-honored tradition (of diabetes) I have composed a song.

Its a time to eat
and eat we will.
We will eat
a big Turkey Bird
Turkey Bird
Turkey Bird!

Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!

-Saleem

Ps The views expressed in this post are not necessarily endorsed by the Last Resort and/or any of its affiliates.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Brain stimulating experiences

These lately days I have been having a lot of "Brain Stimulating Experiences" (a product of Pepsico ltd). Like going to some tiger park and washing the dishes (see Wednesday, October 28th) etc.
Now I want to hear about your "Brain Stimulating Experiences" (Only 10% LSD). Please comment and tell me.

-Saleem

PS Shocking News: Dogs=Cars!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Ranthambore: a foto esae

This is foto esae of my trip to Ranthambore. Its rather long.

The ever hospitable citizens of Ranthambore.


The tourists of Ranthambore


OOH AAH The magnificent tiger. Her name is Machli.


This puts me in mind of the Last Supper. I think there are thirteen.


These are some cool birds I saw.


Dis was da hootal ah stayyed on.


The termite equivalent of any metropolis you care to name. The Big Dirt Pile


These are some of the many Deer I saw. The spotted ones are called cheetal. The non-spotted ones are sambhar. The evil one is Death himself. Don't believe it! He just wants you to think its the flash!


This was en exceptionally rare sighting. A sloth-bear which my fathers friend who has been going there for 20 yrs has only seen once before. I swear I heard someone say "Hai Allah!" when he/she stood up.


Of course if you are too lazy or unlucky to really spot a tiger you can always take a picture of one of the photos that (I guarantee!) will be hanging around your hotel.






Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Last Tiger Filler

Well this is it I'm finally off. To the New World. To the land of tigers. To Ratambore!
I will encounter feral fungi! Famished flowers! And ferocious felines. (okay maybe not the first two but probably the latter). I'll be back on sunday night. Leaving tonight. Thank You.

-Saleem

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I'm thinking of a number

I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Whosoever's comment is closest will win. You can only comment once. After the first ten comments no entries will be accepted. Please use your real name and not Anonymous.

-Saleem

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Merry Ghostmas and a Happy New Month!

I'd like to wish all of you generous patrons of this establishment a Merry Ghostmas and a Happy New Month (November).



-Saleem

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Comics

Monty





-Saleem

Naansense!

You'll use more soap than water!!

-Saleem

Ps No, I WON'T explain.

Monday, October 19, 2009

How to be an Assassin

Take your pen;
take your website;
take a newspaper;
keep an infinite scorn in your heart;
take your criticism;
take your iron-like inflexibility;
keep your mind closed.
These are your weapons.
Now you are ready
to assassinate poetry.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

New Poll

I noticed that only 4 of you voted on the poll. I am disappointed. This poll was vital to the blog and I need to know. It is your civic duty as patriotic citizens of Atlantis braindead blog reading zombies (no offense) to Vote provide feedback. I hope you're sorry.

-Saleem

Friday, October 9, 2009

Joke

Today in science class we were writing about adaptations in animals. The teacher made us write:
  • Deers have thin strong legs to escape from their predators.
That got me thinking and I realized that humans had a very similar adaptation.
  • Humans have fast cars to escape from their creditors.
That's all folks!

-Saleem

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Broken pen


My pen broke in French class yesterday but I got some cool art out of it. I know I'm very conceited.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Thursday, September 24, 2009

"UP!" 4/5 stars.

OK I confess I haven't done anything about a book review. I know... I know... I suck but we all have our shortcomings so don't go pointing any fingers at me bub. Instead I'm going to do a review of the kids movie "Up!" (Please I didn't add the exclamation mark I'm pretty sure that's what it's called).

OK it's a Disney-Pixar movie so you know that is gonna have that corny quality that rakes in billions for evil conglomerates.However "Up!" was pretty good compared to some other Disney movies and it was not as corny as I expected. I think the idea of an old man in his 70s floating away with his house tied to a gazillion balloons was cute and funny. There are two flaws I have noticed in most Disney movies which I absolutely detest:

Flaw 1
Step 1 Hero/Heroine does something stupid at start of movie.
Step 2 Hero/Heroine does same stupid thing at the end of movie to fight evil bad guy(s)

Flaw 2
The moral is always "Believe in yourself and you can do anything" or something similar.

Now "Up!" had neither of these which- come to think of it-impressed me. I think overall "Up!" was a good movie, Russell's childish enthusiasm and Alpha"s squeaky voice were hilarious.
I give it a 4/5 I think.

-Saleem

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Ever wonder how to stuff a mouse into a beer bottle?



This will explain it all. :D

-Saleem

Thursday, September 17, 2009

BREAKING NEWS!

This just coming in: I got a concussion! AND I had momentary loss of consciousness. I got knocked out for the first time in my life. It was all very dramatic and tragic. But the best part is I don't have to go to school tommorow and I get to miss an exam. I owe it all to my little brat of a brother who was chasing me when I slipped on some water that HE spilled and didn't clean up. Ah how I love him.

-Saleem

Ps. U can't touch me I've got a medical certificate! IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE! To all u educationalists out there.

Comics

Not in order






-Saleem

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A brief history of paper clips

Ok here it is... What you have all been waiting for... It is... PAPER CLIPS!
The most common paper clip that we use was never patented but it was most likely made in Britain in the 1880s by "The Gem Manufacturing Company" according to Henry J Petroski.
Johan Vaaler, a Norwegian attained patents in Norway and in America for a less practical paper clip which used less wire as it did not include the last outer loop and one long side that the gem clip had. Heres what Vaaler's clip looked like.
Interestingly Norwegian patriots wore paper clips an their lapels during world war 2. This was not because Johan Vaaler supposedly invented the paper clip but because other badges were not allowed and the paper clip stood for solidarity and unity.

I hope this broadens all your horizons.

-Saleem

Monday, September 14, 2009

Booooring

Nothing has been happening at all which has been really pissing me off cuz i want to write a blog post. Also I can't do that Nothing post because I've already done it. Look down a bit and you will see it.

-Saleem

Ps. Does anyone have any fun ideas, criticism or suggestions for my blog because now is the time to post them.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Update on my life

Here is for all of you who don't know what is going on in my life-

My half yearly exams are happening right now so its not very fun.
Also my mom is gone to S Korea for a writing residency program which is where she just stays with other writers and writes all day. Doesn't sound like that much fun to me. More later.

-Saleem

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Tiger preserve-Made with organic tigers!

Remember that tiger hotel post? Well that trip got postponed its gonna happen in october. I think on the weekend of the 10th.

-Saleem

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Poll

You guys may have noticed the new poll is rather childish but keep in mind i am a child so. Also keep in mind I am not blogging for adults and I am not only blogging about books and serious stuff so.

-Saleem

Monday, September 7, 2009

Followers

I started following my own blog. I think thats conceited or something like that. Its just silly and I was just seeing if it would work. Guess I'll stop following in a few days.

Saleem

Ps I wish I had more followers (Hint hint)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Ok well I did say I would...

Here are the comics I liked this week. They are not in order, cuz that would be too much work.






This week I am doing it on Sunday night but next week I'll be doing it on Monday afternoon.

Qbasic

Has anyone ever tried programming stuff in Qbasic? It's funner than you might think. Granted u can't make any superstar programs or anything but you can make stuff like things where the computer asks u questions and depending on the answer you can get different responses.

-Saleem

Ps I know funner isn't a word so SHUT UP!

Pps U guys probly think I'm a freakazoid computer geek but you can't judge a book by it's cover.

Ppps I know it doesn't make sense so SHUT UP!

Pppps Ok I think that 4 p's is a bit overkill don't u?

Fun games

Here's a good game I was just playing. It's called dadgame.

-Saleem

Nothing

This week nothing happened so here it is is:




















Thats a whole lot of nothing, eh?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Science homework and poll

I'm completely covered in science homework except I can't do any of it cuz I don't have the worksheet or the notebook or whatever. Hehe. I guess the poll is going pretty good but im curious who voted for who. Next time I make a poll I'm going to make it shorter. I only gave this one such a big time limit cuz I knew that It would take some time for people to come here and vote.Nothing else to say now g2g cya.

-Saleem

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Book review

Every time I read a book i will review it or something. How does that sound?


-Saleem

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Flash

I am trying to learn to make games in Flash.
Does anone know anything about this?
Do you have any advice?

-Saleem

Monday, August 31, 2009

Tiger Hotel

I'm going to a tiger resort maybe. At the worst I will only end up staying in a hotel for a night.
Depends on whether they let us in the resort. My dads class is going there in october so I get to go with my dad and check it out if they lets us in.

-Saleem

Note: My dad is a teacher.


-UPDATE! Not tiger resort that's just silly. It's tiger sanctuary.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Comics

I like comics. I think I will add a list of the top 5 comics every sunday.
What do you think of this? Good idea? Yes? No?
Also should i talk in chat language on this blog?
Maybe I will make a poll on that.

-Saleem

Hello all u people who are not reading this!

To those of you who are-How did you get here?

For those of you who don't know-I have a french exam tommorow and I'm really not happy.

:P