Friday, January 29, 2010

Chess

No just go check his Wikipedia page!

In other matters I have discovered a centuries old plot to subconsciously subvert (here we go again) subway travelling substitutes. Have you ever wondered why in chess white always plays first?? Its because it was created by white-supremacists! All these years innocent grandmasters, amateurs and whatever comes in between have been happily playing away while their minds are being slowly but surely TURNED TO THE DARK (what?) sorry LIGHT SIDE!! *gasps of fear* Stop this outrage and sing a petition against chess HERE!Go sign that petition for me and all the chess players out there.

-Saleem

PS To JRR Tolkiens estate: Please don't sue I was just joking!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Orcs and stuff

I've been reading The lord of the rings and I just thought it seems extremely biased toward Orcs. In every scene they are depicted to be uniformly evil, boorish, ugly, greedy and overall louts while those self-righteous, oh-so-noble little buggers (Elves and the lot) go around never even giving them a chance! Even Orcs' beer (I'm not making this up) is depicted to be foul and unwholesome (I know beer is anyways foul and unwholesome but even Merry and Pippin who consider bread and beer a meal turned their noses up at it!). Is this simple perversion of the plot line or something much much more. It may even be... a... WHITE-SUPREMACIST PLOT!!!! (feel free to gasp in horror).
Was Tolkien secretly plotting to subconsciously subvert the minds of subway eating substitutes? (I hate alliteration:this is my revenge!) Was he secretly a member of the Ku Klux Klan?? Did he secretly send people orange pips? (you don't read Sherlock Holmes?? Shame on you!) Was his biasment (word?) of Orcs actually a plot to convert innocent readers into KKK recruits? Find out on the next episode of Lastresort Z!!

-Saleem

PS You'll only understand that last joke if you are into overly violent, amazingly lame cartoons for 10 year olds. Look it up bub.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Vacation

I'm sorry to say but I'm taking an official vacation and will be back in a week or two.

-Saleem

PS If you have any questions call my secretary.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix

I'm really lazy and I'm thinking of taking an official holiday but until then I'll just be wasting time by posting videos from youtube.



-Saleem

Friday, January 8, 2010

Fifty-first post

Sorry I have not posted in a while. It's like waking up after New Years party except with out a hangover. Anyway thanks for the support and the 100 hits on my last post and I will extend the poll a week or two. Thank you again.

-Saleem

Friday, January 1, 2010

FEEFTEHETH AHHNIVIRSAHRY POWZT!!




Ah Hello there. Didn't notice you. Well lets not kid ourselves. You're not exactly noticeable. What you need is a new look! not that dull brown suit and jacket. No my man what you need is something like this! Now that will get you noticed!(by the cops maybe)
Right now don't try to change the topic. Back to the topic. Skittles yum. Ah the crunchy chewy goodness of those sweet... Um topic! Right, topic!

Okay some of the more intelligent of you might have noticed that this is my FEEFTEHETH AHHNIVIRSAHRY POWZT! HIIIYAAAAH! KARATE KICK! TAKE THAT YOU FOul...
Anyways im going to try to make this post last a whole page or close to that by recycling old material. What? Yo mamma never tawt you about that? Well the three Rs are Reuse (shit) Reduce (qwality) and Recycle (old jokes). That's my motto! No my motto is stay out of the grotto,man stay out of the grotto. No it is mice are our friends! Or was it spiders or toads or BESIDES THE POINT!!! We need to stay alive and um work as a team or we'll lose the championship and get kicked out of school. Or something like that. Aways remember kids! Eat you're veggies and >then it deletes a hostile bid for a twenty who will make out the eighth and we’ll make a button which still you don’t have been done before and you a new AAA UAA one home by the end date when you write a great guy and then you went to bed end on 99 Dow and the light rail line for>united
And being when you enter the dragon you went to bed and 99 Dow bill and that I am a line for united and being when you rent at the gag and Europe to bed and 99 guild bill and and line for united and the win unit and then Downy and yield to bed at night and 99 new bill and Melinda I know but when you down the aisle like entering the political heat your home and legal dance out and not to be outlawed out of downtown Baghdad added an... blah blah blah respect you're elders and give me feedback. Yawn. Last night was quite a party. Except I didn't go to a party. But I did make it to midnight so Happy New Years guys! Yawn.
So she saw a quarter and a half of the pig movie. Oh this is getting tough. You know I bet I could impersonate somebody you know by like doing the name and URL thing in comments and the plasticgraduate had better get working he hasn't posted for a month! So a man and a dog walk into a bar and then oh wait I forgot. Have you even read all the way till here? If you have you- 1 Have no life 2 Are devoted to the point of noobic 3 All of the above

I'd say its option 3. Boy Aren't you bored yet because I know I am. now I think I will quote some famous people.
1 It's over Anakin, I have the higher ground!-Obi Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight
2 Yes I'm a surgeon!-Moe, Barkeeper
3 Ummmmm I can't think of any more.-Saleem, Awesome blogger.

You know I can't think of anything more and I still don't think I've done a page yet so I'll dig up some old ones.
A brief history of paper clips
OK here it is... What you have all been waiting for... It is... PAPER CLIPS!
The most common paper clip that we use was never patented but it was most likely made in Britain in the 1880s by "The Gem Manufacturing Company" according to Henry J Petroski.
Johan Vaaler, a Norwegian attained patents in Norway and in America for a less practical paper clip which used less wire as it did not include the last outer loop and one long side that the gem clip had. Here's what Vaaler's clip looked like.

Interestingly Norwegian patriots wore paper clips an their lapels during world war 2. This was not because Johan Vaaler supposedly invented the paper clip but because other badges were not allowed and the paper clip stood for solidarity and unity.


I hope this broadens all your horizons.

Ma furztt powzt evah

Hello all u people who are not reading this!
To those of you who are-How did you get here?


For those of you who don't know-I have a french exam tomorrow and I'm really not happy.


:P

Some accidental art

My pen broke in French class yesterday but I got some cool art out of it. I know I'm very conceited.

Here's my thanksgiving post:

Its a time to eat
and eat we will.
We will eat
a big Turkey Bird
Turkey Bird
Turkey Bird!

Thank you and I wish you all a Happy New Year 2010.

I'm da man! 50 posts!
This post was brought to you by my annoying brother Akshay!

-Saleem

PS Have you heard that there might be a huge Planet X on a collission course with Earth and also the Mayan long count calendar is coming to an end in 2012. Also there was a movie called 2012 in which the Earth ended so it seems we're all booked! Better start rioting and stuff people! We're running out of time!